A new flood is foretold and nothing can be done to prevent it; in three days, the waters will wipe out the world. The greatest leaders of the major religions go on worldwide television to make their final plea.
- The leader of Buddhism pleads with everyone to become a Buddhist; that way, they will at least find salvation in heaven.
- The Pope goes on television and shakes his fists to the audience, "It is still not too late to accept Jesus!" he cries.
- The Chief Rabbi of Israel approaches the podium...stands silent for what seems to be an eternity...looks directly into the lens of the center camera and slowly but solemnly states, "My people"...he pauses once again and continues..."We have three days to learn to live under water"...
He had only one major publication.
It was in Hebrew; had no references; wasn't published in an academic journal; and some doubt he wrote it himself.
- He may have created the world, but what has he done since?
- The scientific community cannot replicate his results.
- He never received permission from the ethics board to use human subjects.
- When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
- He rarely came to class; telling the students to, "Read the book."
- Some say he had his son teach the class.
- He expelled his first two students.
- His office hours were irregular and sometimes held on a mountain top.
- Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed.
A Reform Rabbi was so compulsive a golfer that once, on Yom Kippur, he left the house early and went out for a quick nine holes by himself. An angel who happened to be looking on immediately notified his superiors that a grievous sin was being committed on earth. On the sixth hole, G-d caused a mighty wind to take the ball directly from the tee to the cup for a miraculous and dramatic hole in one.
The angel was horrified. "Lord," he said, "you call this a punishment?!"
"Sure," answered G-d with a smile. "Who can he tell?"
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke." (Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.)
"No problem," said the Jew. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew's shoe and spit in it.
The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, "That looks good. Think I'll have one too." Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it.
The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples ...this hatred ... this spitting in shoes ... and peeing in Cokes?"
(With thanks to Harry Leichter)